Me: Dear Universe, Just because we survived through one colicky/reflux baby does not mean we were hoping for the same thing this time around.
Universe: Hey, I didn't give you the same thing. This baby is a colicky/reflux/doesn't sleep/refuses a pacifier baby.
Me: Right. Thanks. Where's the karma? I thought we already paid our dues last time.
Uni: You sure did. But I wanted you to have a chance to apply what you learned last time.
Me: Okay, so we learned to put the baby on level 1 reflux meds right away instead of waiting until he's 10 weeks old.
Uni: See, good work.
Me: Well, how about some credit for doing things right? It's looking like this baby needs level 2 meds just like Owen did. Thanks a lot.
Uni: But see, you know what to do. And you've also been figuring out what foods to avoid...
Me: Yes. Sweet. No tomatoes. Possibly no spicy foods. Great things to avoid when trying to feed a family.
Uni: You also forgot caffeine. That's on the "no" list as of today.
Me: Thanks for the reminder. As if that doesn't add insult to injury. Sleep deprived and trying to avoid caffeine, so the baby will (in theory) sleep better. Nice.
Uni: I'm just looking out for you. Besides, I clearly remember you saying you would be willing to deal with the reflux this time around.
Me: Boy, that's selective memory. I think that conversation came with Scott saying he was hoping for a baby without reflux and I said, "I'll take the reflux again as long AS LONG AS THE BABY SLEEPS WELL." Remember??
Uni: Hmm. Well, I just heard the first part.
Me: Can we at least make a deal? How about you cut us some slack and not send us the UPS Man, Ringing Phone, or Barking Dog the very instant I finally get the baby to sleep?
Uni: What do I get in return?
Me: I'll get back to you. The baby just woke up.