Friday, September 04, 2009

Family Music Night

Every parenting book should be required to post a notice on the first page (and at the start of every chapter thereafter) that states:
"What matters most is that you find the system that you can believe in as a parent, works for your child, and is in the best interest of your family. These are just our ideas and suggestions to help you get there."

It's so obvious when you read it, but as a new parent, I think we all wish that someone would just tell us the magic formula. The truth is, there IS a magic formula, it's just a different recipe for every family, every parent, and every child. Remind me of that in 6 months when I'm pulling my hair out with a newborn, a toddler, and the thought of returning to work...

When Owen was in his worst newborn days, spewing during the day, and crying most of the evenings, we developed a little routine that quickly became habit, and eventually lingers as one of my strongest memories from those early months. Each night, I'd put Owen in my sling, Scott would pull out the guitar, and we would have a little family music night to kill the 30 minutes before bedtime. It was pure desperation - rhythm and dancing to calm a cranky baby, music to distract his frazzled parents, and motion (playing or dancing) to make Scott and I feel like we were doing SOMETHING to make things better. Guess which book gave us that idea? NONE OF THEM. But it's what worked for us...

On Thursday night, Owen was having one of THOSE evenings. A long week at school, an extra day with a babysitter, a birthday party playgroup where he only got one cupcake, and he was DONE. The distraction of picking tomatoes didn't do the trick, so we fed him cereal for dinner and then Scott pulled out the guitar. It wasn't some planned strategy - nobody said, "Hey, try the guitar!" - it's just what we gravitated toward in those moments between dinner and bedtime. Owen used the couch (and me) as a jungle gym, while Scott provided the much needed music and rhythm to round out a long week.

And as I rubbed Owen's back in bed that night, I shook my head in wonder that the little strategy we started out of shear desperation two years ago still has a place... for all of us. That's what works for our family.

3 comments:

Cailean said...

Isn't that so true!!! I stopped reading parenting books for that reason! The only ones I still like are "Playful Parenting" and "No-Cry Sleep Solution" and then Dr. Sears series. But books can only take you so far - I think they just serve to make you feel not crazy and normal for having a situation to resolve. And this post reminds me to get back to practicing my guitar!!!

SBM said...

That's a really nice post, Alyssa. You should submit that to a parenting magazine or the newspaper or something.

Colleen said...

I love that the guitar and dance still work their magic! I agree with Cailean and you, the parenting books are great guides, but we always have to be on the look out for what is going to work for our families! It looks like you found it!